Day 48 - Tuesday, 4th November 2008

Where do I start now? I have had a horrible week. Honestly. I was so looking forward to Alton Towers at Halloween. But it ended up being pretty much a nightmare. It dawned on me how much time I used to spend whinging that I needed food or I needed a drink etc... Because honestly, if it wasn't one of them, it was another. "I'm starving", "I need a beer", "I need food or I'll die". It was non stop from Thursday morning til Friday night. I could have killed them. During Thursday day, three of my girlfriends and I went wandering around the park. And it was good. I mean, yes there was an hour when I had to sit and save a table for them while they went to order food. Which was fine, except that because it was so busy, people kept loitering around me and staring trying to get me to move. Because all they saw was a girl alone at a table. Anyway, I then had to endure them all eating burgers, which doesnt normally bother me at all, but I guess I was already a little aggrevated from the waiting and the hoards of people and the screaming children. I really hate parents who can't control their children!

Anyway, then my friend annoyed me because she decided to change rooms to stay with the lads, for no apparent reason, which to be honest made me feel a little hurt. Am I not good enough to share a room with? Especially as that made five in their room and three in ours! Doesn't make sense, especially when the lads are not the sort she would be attracted to - one's her cousin, the other two are just not her type, I assure you!

Then, Thursday night came round and honestly, I have never heard so much whinging in my life. They were hungry, they needed beer. So I had to sit in the Tavern and drink water even though it was like -3 outside! And we didn't get to go on the rides we wanted because they wanted more beer. Oooh very frustrating. On top of that, my corset was so tight that my breathing was restricted, so when I was running out of one of mazes, I lost my breathe, nearly fainted and got a head ache.

Needless to say, when I got back to the Hotel, I was really unhappy. I got changed and called my friend for some support because I was a hairswidth from hitting the Vodka hard. I swear, if it wasn't for her at the end of the phone, knowing that she was there for me, I would have lost it. Thankfully, I didn't lapse. I stuck to my diet. I didn't touch a drop of alcohol and since then, having seen how upset I was, my brother has been really really nice to me.

Even on Friday morning, when I refused to go swimming, and my cousin had promised to stay with me to keep me company, then when she found out it was free, forgot her promise and ran off to the pool, my brother made sure that everyone came back after only an hour and gave me a coat to keep me warm.

I think if nothing else has come of all of it, I have learnt who is there for me. My friend on the end of the phone. She has been nothing but supportive through this whole thing. In fact, she is even coming back up north for Christmas and New Year and says that she will stay sober with me so I don't feel like I did on Thursday night.

My brother since seeing how upset I was, has been making a real effort. He hasn't had a takeaway delivered! And he even went out and bought a Paella yesterday because he said he knew I wouldn't be bothered by it, as I never ate fish anyway!

Saturday was better. I went out with my family and saw my uncle and cousin who came down from Sunderland for the weekend. Haven't seen them since my grandad's funeral in August. And my uncle's reaction to the new me was really nice. Especially as he doesn't show his emotions very often. But he was really lovely.

I am trying to look on the positive side now. But I have found this week extraordinarily difficult. The cravings have been exteme. I'm hoping that come tomorrow's weigh in, I will have new focus. With any luck some of the 18,000 steps I did at Alton Towers will be helpful in a big weightloss. Fingers Crossed.